my friend Pete literally makes me cry with his snap stories

this is me, i am pete, love me 


prepare for high school then prepare for college then prepare for your career then prepare for retirement then you’re dead 


So I punched this white woman out, then the paramedics pulled up across the street. On their way over to her, this woman accidentally hit one of them with her car. Both paramedics proceeded to pull her out of her car and beat her to death. Then they came over to save this other woman’s life.

This game is amazing.




#you know you’re screwed when a missile is aimed toward you and it literally has your name on it

irony man

irony man

Fake Pockets: A How To


I didn’t know this origin story, but it makes me happy on so many levels.

tags:  #I felt so so bad for Martha in these episodes seriously  #maybe the Doctor could like not take her to past Earth places where slavery was a thing?  #like there are a gazillion planets to see  #I know this episodes specifically they were running and the Tardis created a disguise and all but  #the Shakespeare episode too  #and probably others because half of the stories are on Earth  #I'm so angry when people dislike Martha look at her fucking sass and fucking patience and all the bullshit she goes through 



"Oh my god, I’m turning into—a vampire!”

"But how? I didn’t even bite you yet!"

Premature edraculation

…this fucking website.


well it started out inspirational


well it started out inspirational




Yesterday was my grandparents 45th anniversary and my grandma was like “if I had killed him 20 years ago I would be out of jail by now” and that basically sums them up

Your grandma is 45?!

yeah she got married the day she was born 




Today is Hitler’s birthday, pot day, and zombie jesus day.
What a time to be alive.

420 praise it, mein Führer

420 praise it





the biggest disappointment in life is when good shows have a bad episode like i waited a week and u give me this shit 

the biggest disappointment in life is when good shows have a bad season like i waited two years and u give me this shit

The biggest disappointment in life is when good shows give you a bad finale like I waited nine years and u give me this shit

I love how I have a vague idea what shows they are talking about


"It ends in blood, as it began," said Lady Nym. "It ends when Casterly Rock is cracked open, so the sun can shine on the maggots and the worms within. It ends with the utter ruin of Tywin Lannister and all his works."


Is that how it goes, round and round forever? I ask again, where does it end? Can I take a skull to bed with me, to give me comfort in the night? Will it make me laugh, write me songs, care for me when I am old and sick?”


"War will come, whether we wish it or not," said Obara. "A boy king on the Iron Throne. Lord Stannis holds the Wall and is gathering nothmen to his cause. The two queens are squabbling over Tommen like bitches with a juicy bone. The ironmen have taken the Shields and are raiding up the Mander, deep into the heart of the Reach, which means Highgarden will be preoccupied as well.  Our enemies are in disarray. The time is ripe."

"Ripe for what? To make more skulls?" Ellaria Sand turned to the prince. "They will not see. I can hear no more of this."

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