imagine if your name was a swear word
motherfucker can you please come down to the office
omg at first i thought u meant like ur name was used as a swear word
shut the brittany up go chris yourself
there’s this one girl at school who sends a mass text to the whole year group whenever she sees a dog so that we can go pat it too if we’re nearby and I have petted at least five dogs because of her that I wouldn’t have otherwise and idk I hope you all have someone like her in your lives
can we please discuss what the fuck is wrong with pennsylvania
How do you become someone who puts stickers on fruit because I think I could do that
On my tombstone please write “Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake”
i don’t know why everyone makes the grim reaper out to be a bad guy i mean he’s just taking to you to the afterlife it’s not like he killed you it’s actually quite nice of him to walk you there imagine if you had to go alone
Hamster make breakfast
Hamster drive car
Hamster make tea with frend
Hamster plan dinner party
Hamster have Birfday
Hamster love life
Hamster happy to be live
Hamster love you
what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?
one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails
"Gee honey, when you said you were in to light bondage this isn’t quite what I had in mind"
Heh BDSM puns.
Oh look… PUNishment!
ok but give me one good reason why you wouldn’t date Kermit the frog besides that he is a puppet and a frog
I can’t beat Miss Piggy in a fight. She’s very strong and knows karate.